The choices that we make are what define us

Most people facing problems of obesity, drug dependency, or any other seemingly insurmountable medical situation, do not establish a system of personal accountability. They, like all the rest of us, are predisposed to avoid accountability. We have become hyper-individualists with thick walls around us to guard from any authority structures or potential interference with our unrestrained ego.

The day of my graduation my family drove up from Miami to Gainesville, Florida for the ceremony. 

Afterwards, my mother was crying as she pulled me to her and kissed me. But then she surprised me completely when she began to apologize profusely. With tears in her eyes and an occasional sob, she said, “I am so sorry that we failed you guys as parents to provide the financial support for your education. I feel so guilty!” I was dumbstruck. Dad also has had great difficulty dealing with the guilt that our family fortune was lost during his watch. But these are the torpedoes to our broadside that we have no power to avoid.

“Mom,” I said, “what are you talking about? What you gave us is more valuable than all the money in the world! You and Dad taught us to never give up, no matter how hard things got, no matter how dark things turned. No matter how many times we fall, you taught us to simply stand up again, dust ourselves off, and keep on plugging. You taught us that if we worked hard enough we could accomplish whatever goals we set for ourselves. You gave us hope in the midst of darkness. You taught us to be accountable to one another and that is what made us overcome our own personal obstacles. Dad taught us, not just with words, but also with his life, to stand against evil, no matter the cost. To fight for your family and your nation’s freedom, even against insurmountable odds. You both showed us the meaning of love by the way you sacrificed for us. You taught us by your example the meaning of a family. You gave us exactly what we needed to survive in this world. You are no failure, you are the best parents that anyone could ever want, and my brothers and I, are, of all people, the most fortunate in the world to have had you as our parents!”

Later on, I pondered what I might have become if things had been different. When on that fateful day, in April of 1961, my paradise was lost and my dad was taken from my family, we received a torpedo broadside that we had no power to avoid. But we persevered, and what was meant for evil, God had turned for good.

Some obstacles we can avoid, but those we cannot we must endure in hope and never give up. We must establish a group around us that we can be accountable to and day-by-day deal with the problem. In the blink of an eye all of our worldly goods can be taken from us, but our possessions do not define us. We may learn that we have cancer. We may have a heart attack. We may learn that we are now diabetics. How do we overcome such torpedoes in our lives?

I have learned that the obstacles are not what define us. The choices that we make are what define us. This was my first epiphany.